Comments on: Stepmother’s Bill of Rights http://stepmomster.wordpress.com/2007/10/13/stepmothers-bill-of-rights/ Becoming a monster one stepson at a time Sat, 12 Sep 2009 00:53:47 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: B http://stepmomster.wordpress.com/2007/10/13/stepmothers-bill-of-rights/#comment-210 B Mon, 13 Jul 2009 06:51:05 +0000 http://stepmomster.wordpress.com/2007/10/13/stepmothers-bill-of-rights/#comment-210 I have been a step mother for over a year now, and no matter how much I cry, complain, lock myself away, or feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, it's never ending. It's always the same old discussion, with no new developments. I'm treated as an outsider every single weekend that we have my stepson. I feel neglected and treated unfairly. My life is constantly dictated by my In Laws and the BM. Nothing is ever discussed with me, before it being set in stone. I must heed to the rules and regulations, because they were in fact there before me, and will be after me. Other than caring for the child, having his best interest in mind, setting aside my life to parent another woman's child ( and doing a find job at it) I should just sit down, shut up and realize that it is not my place to complain, regulate, or expect to have any say in my life. I have no say in when the child can come visit. I have no say in what happens during the weekends, and we are cut off from any kind of social activity, or a marriage outside of his son. I understand that I married a man with a child, but I was so sure that once we were married, he would keep his promise that he also understood that he was taking on a wife. It doesn't matter if I'm sick, sad, frustrated, worn out, or just want some quiet time to myself, if I say anything about it, I'm horrible and I have to fear my husband taking that as if I do not care about him or his son, and eventually leaving me. There are times that I just want to tell him to go and live with his parents, or go back to his ex. This has actually been said by myself in a few arguments. HE never listens or sees my point of view. He just gets to defensive when it comes to everyone else, but when it comes to me, I just have to withstand the pressure, anxiety, guilt trips and lack of respect for what I do. The child obviously cares for me, and we have a good relationship, as I love the child. But, my husband can not understand that I am not the biological mother of the child, and the expectations of me should not be greater than hers. If she needs money, she gets a loan from my in laws. If we are behind on a bill, we are terrible children that get yelled at by his parents and told off everytime we turn around. they mostly tell him these things, and then his attitude is different towards me. I can tell when his parents have spoken poorly of me. I have done all I can do for my husband and his child, and so has my family. AT this point, I feel like just walking away, and never looking back. I have been a step mother for over a year now, and no matter how much I cry, complain, lock myself away, or feel like I’m fighting a losing battle, it’s never ending. It’s always the same old discussion, with no new developments. I’m treated as an outsider every single weekend that we have my stepson. I feel neglected and treated unfairly. My life is constantly dictated by my In Laws and the BM. Nothing is ever discussed with me, before it being set in stone. I must heed to the rules and regulations, because they were in fact there before me, and will be after me. Other than caring for the child, having his best interest in mind, setting aside my life to parent another woman’s child ( and doing a find job at it) I should just sit down, shut up and realize that it is not my place to complain, regulate, or expect to have any say in my life. I have no say in when the child can come visit. I have no say in what happens during the weekends, and we are cut off from any kind of social activity, or a marriage outside of his son. I understand that I married a man with a child, but I was so sure that once we were married, he would keep his promise that he also understood that he was taking on a wife. It doesn’t matter if I’m sick, sad, frustrated, worn out, or just want some quiet time to myself, if I say anything about it, I’m horrible and I have to fear my husband taking that as if I do not care about him or his son, and eventually leaving me.

There are times that I just want to tell him to go and live with his parents, or go back to his ex. This has actually been said by myself in a few arguments. HE never listens or sees my point of view. He just gets to defensive when it comes to everyone else, but when it comes to me, I just have to withstand the pressure, anxiety, guilt trips and lack of respect for what I do.

The child obviously cares for me, and we have a good relationship, as I love the child. But, my husband can not understand that I am not the biological mother of the child, and the expectations of me should not be greater than hers. If she needs money, she gets a loan from my in laws. If we are behind on a bill, we are terrible children that get yelled at by his parents and told off everytime we turn around. they mostly tell him these things, and then his attitude is different towards me. I can tell when his parents have spoken poorly of me. I have done all I can do for my husband and his child, and so has my family. AT this point, I feel like just walking away, and never looking back.

]]> By: lenny http://stepmomster.wordpress.com/2007/10/13/stepmothers-bill-of-rights/#comment-209 lenny Thu, 04 Jun 2009 23:01:27 +0000 http://stepmomster.wordpress.com/2007/10/13/stepmothers-bill-of-rights/#comment-209 Thank you so so much for this. It is very comforting for me to read. I feel very isolated by being a step mother in a horribly complicated situation. I knew all those years ago that it would be ridiculously difficult, but I have to say that I had no idea that it would be quite this hard. Like most things in life there are good days and bad days. Tonight is particularly low for me though. 14 years on now and it doesn't get any easier. If there is any young girl that happens to read this who may be about to become a step mum - I cannot tell you how much pain is involved in these situations......... I would urge you to run in the opposite direction, you are bound for a life of sadness if you don't. The step mother is hated by everyone in society it seems. Thank you so so much for this. It is very comforting for me to read. I feel very isolated by being a step mother in a horribly complicated situation.

I knew all those years ago that it would be ridiculously difficult, but I have to say that I had no idea that it would be quite this hard.

Like most things in life there are good days and bad days. Tonight is particularly low for me though.

14 years on now and it doesn’t get any easier. If there is any young girl that happens to read this who may be about to become a step mum – I cannot tell you how much pain is involved in these situations……… I would urge you to run in the opposite direction, you are bound for a life of sadness if you don’t.

The step mother is hated by everyone in society it seems.

]]> By: Rosa http://stepmomster.wordpress.com/2007/10/13/stepmothers-bill-of-rights/#comment-200 Rosa Thu, 12 Jun 2008 14:19:15 +0000 http://stepmomster.wordpress.com/2007/10/13/stepmothers-bill-of-rights/#comment-200 Thank you for sharing yourself with others. I too am a stepmom, I too love my husband very much and his kids. I was surprise to find the Bill of Rights for Stepmoms; it must have been drawn up by a stepmom, because every point mentioned was dead on. My step daughters ar 19 and 12. I truly feel like the outsider in my home, I am the cleaning lady, taxi driver, laundry person, I am the garbage person, housework and chores are my nicknames. I'm so, so tried. I've spoken to my husband about how I feel, and ever time the subject comes up, I'm told don't worry, I'll take care of the girls. Well I am worried, I'm not eating, sleeping and having a hard time just getting up in the mornings. I honestly pray that I have a break down and end up in a hospital. how sick is that. Even sicker . . I leave the house at 7am get to work at 8am and sleep in my car til 9am just to catch up on sleep and relax. I relax in my car instead of my home. I starting to think and feel like I don't have a home. It's a place I spend time cleaning and begging the girls for their help. Since my husband and I last so call discussion I have told myself it's not worth it. My physical and metal health is much more important to me so I've decided the best thing would be to "do as they do" my way of thinking right now is . . if they don't give a damn why should I. I hope this attitude will help me overcome these feelings within me (not good ones) and if not well so be it. . . I'll just . . . there are days I wish I had the guts to actual do it and not only thing about it. I want to thank you it is a little more comforting knowing there are step children who do repect their stepmom. Thanks once again. Rosa Thank you for sharing yourself with others. I too am a stepmom, I too love my husband very much and his kids. I was surprise to find the Bill of Rights for Stepmoms; it must have been drawn up by a stepmom, because every point mentioned was dead on. My step daughters ar 19 and 12. I truly feel like the outsider in my home, I am the cleaning lady, taxi driver, laundry person, I am the garbage person, housework and chores are my nicknames. I’m so, so tried. I’ve spoken to my husband about how I feel, and ever time the subject comes up, I’m told don’t worry, I’ll take care of the girls. Well I am worried, I’m not eating, sleeping and having a hard time just getting up in the mornings. I honestly pray that I have a break down and end up in a hospital. how sick is that. Even sicker . . I leave the house at 7am get to work at 8am and sleep in my car til 9am just to catch up on sleep and relax. I relax in my car instead of my home. I starting to think and feel like I don’t have a home. It’s a place I spend time cleaning and begging the girls for their help. Since my husband and I last so call discussion I have told myself it’s not worth it. My physical and metal health is much more important to me so I’ve decided the best thing would be to “do as they do” my way of thinking right now is . . if they don’t give a damn why should I.

I hope this attitude will help me overcome these feelings within me (not good ones) and if not well so be it. . . I’ll just . . . there are days I wish I had the guts to actual do it and not only thing about it.

I want to thank you it is a little more comforting knowing there are step children who do repect their stepmom.

Thanks once again.
Rosa

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