at least for a couple of days.
My husband’s ex-wife came into town for the weekend for a family reunion. She picked up my stepson Friday night around 10 {after we went to a haunted house}. From what I gathered, my stepson met a lot of people he hadn’t seen in quite awhile and then they slept in a big tent. I think he had a good time.
What I know is he came home in a very bad mood. He was pretty upset. He was angry and mean and being as difficult as possible.
I knew it had to do with his mom so I kept quiet and tried to be as nice as possible.
Finally, he broke. We went in to talk about allowance and he started crying. He got so frustrated.
Shockingly, my husband took control of the situation and got him back to just being sad. He helped rid him of his anger on the surface so he was able to talk about the hurt inside. He cried and told us how much he missed his mom. How he never gets to see her or spend much time with her. How it would be forever til Thanksgiving when he spends a couple of days with her. He said he didn’t think she missed him or really loved him that much.
I would imagine that her knew baby is taking a lot of the attention away from him. Not to mention all the family in town for the reunion. Didn’t leave much for him.
As a mom {even a new mom} I took over and told him that if she loved him half as much as I loved him, she really, really loves him. And misses him all the time. I told him how much I think of him. How much I miss him. And I live with him. I also told him his mother had told me once how hard it was to talk to him on the phone because of how much it hurt to miss him. {Granted I didn’t think that would keep me from calling him everyday, but I am not her.} I told him that everytime he thought of her, she was thinking of him. I was sure of it.
Poor guy. I feel for him. Must hurt like hell. And it is only beginning.
He is being replaced, sort of, with the new baby and he has to share his mommy time and he has to deal with all the other feelings he would have had anyway.
I could tell he felt better after getting all those feelings out.
But again, this is just the beginning of feeling lost, lonely and left out.
What a long journey he has, we have. Thankfully, we are in it together.
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October 22, 2007 at 5:47 am
burning the late night oil « ramblings
[...] Had some issues with my stepson today, but it all worked itself out. Thankfully. [...]
October 23, 2007 at 8:32 pm
realworldmartha
We have an adopted son that uses big time manipulation and lies all the time. We have used attachment therapy as those are signs of attachment issues (very common even in non-adoption cases). Also when researching I can across some (are you ready?) Dr Phil. I know many people have different feelings on this but he talked about the role of a step parent after a child is over 6 and you come into the picture (our adoption – not infant) and said that the biological parent needs to be the main disciplinarian. So your main issue may have to be with hubby and not the kid as hard as it is. Wishing you all the best.
Debbie aka The Real World Martha