Comments on: how one stepmom feels

By: Jacquelyn Fletcher

Jacquelyn Fletcher — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 21:55:30 +0000

Wow. What a fantastic post. Thank you so much for sharing what so many of us feel. I propose a toast to all of us brave stepmoms who live in the trenches living with our complicated families. We rock! Cheers, Jacque

By: lucky13

lucky13 — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 22:23:52 +0000

your post is heartfelt and so poignant. so many times i’ve walked into my house and felt like a spectator. watching from the sidelines. being in someone else’s life. i can absolutely empathize with your experiences…
your approach is incredibly healthy for your stepchild. he will remember you when he’s older as the warm, wise and loving adult in his young life. he probably finds great comfort in your ‘fish out of water’ roles. i think you sound like a great mom, i hope your husband recognizes that and will tell you. in the meantime i will tell you. you are doing a great job. i know how hard it is to even reconcile the thoughts and feelings that come along with being a stepmom. thank you for writing.

By: Mister-M

Mister-M — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 19:37:26 +0000

Ah yes, my partner can sympathize with these stories for sure. Even more troublesome in our situation with a psycho ex-wife is that (too) often, I hedge on certain decisions... it's as if we can plan nothing without first considering what chaos and terror the PEW is going to bring down upon us or if it will prompt another in a long line of court cases. The Psycho Ex-Wife ~Mister-M

By: The DHX: The Doughtie Houses Exchange » Blog Archive » Links for Tuesday, February 5

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 18:11:52 +0000

[...] Stepmomster: how one stepmom feels – “I realized recently what is so difficult about becoming a stepmom for me. It is the feel of being powerless.” (more) [...]

By: Jill Davis Doughtie

Jill Davis Doughtie — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 06:14:20 +0000

Thanks! It’s http://thedhx.com.

By: Heidi

Heidi — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 03:45:25 +0000

ABSOLUTELY NOT! I DON’T MIND AT ALL. Link away. Hey what your web address for your stepmom blog? I think I have the other one listed under blogroll.

By: Jill Davis Doughtie

Jill Davis Doughtie — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 06:52:58 +0000

Do you mind if I link to this at the DHX?

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 17:44:52 +0000

This was beautifully written and really made me think. I’m the mom/ex-wife and I’ve often thought about how weird it must feel to have such an important responsibility, and yet so little control over the “big” stuff.

I’m lucky enough to have a wonderful relationship with the stepmom in my kids’ lives, but we’ve really had to make our way to this point over the course of years.

The thing that gives me hope for you is you saying you love your stepson so much. It sounds like he loves you too and trusts you and turns to you when he needs you. That is an amazing gift. You must be doing many, many things right!

I’m sorry to hear about the lack of acknowledgment from your husband (maybe that will change once he reads the newsletter!) and the ongoing problems with the mom and how her behavior affects your stepson. I once read somewhere that if we as parents can create an atmosphere of “mended failures” in a family, the children will be healthy and grow up feeling loved. That is, there will always be failures of some sort, because we’re human. But if there’s consistently *someone* picking up the ball and trying to soothe things over with love, it will all turn out okay in the long run.

By: Jill

Jill — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 17:22:08 +0000

Me too! That powerlessness and — for me — lack of control over some of the basic things in my life is the perpetual painful thing. I chose it, and I still choose it, and the kids’ mom is a great mom, but feeling on the sidelines so much — and feeling a lack of control over some of the basics of my homelife — is what’s hard for me.

By: clevergrl

clevergrl — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 05:06:33 +0000

Exactly.

We are right there with you.