This morning I realized that maybe this year is another big step in growing up. And not just, hey yeah Heidi it is so another year, duh. But maybe another mile stone Okay so the kid is really changing and this may be one of those Dr Phil moments that will change how he sees the world.
My stepson is completely different than he was last year and the years before that. Not only physically, but mentally too. All the basics, he is taller, has more hair in well, places, he has body odor which I can smell from a mile away, he is much more aware of his body (and the mirror), he is blushing when we are around girls, he is decoding the parent talk (and paying attention). The list is endless, but the major changes I have noticed have been what i think are hormonal and mental. And maybe they are one in the same. What the heck do I know, this is my first kid. Kind of like a test kid. The next one will be a better prototype.
Since he started 4th grade I swear the kid doesn’t have a brain. Or maybe he just forgets it in bed everyday, I don’t know. Seriously, he can not remember anything after a second and he gets this dazed look (and I believe that look is real).
Me: Hey can you go wash your hands for dinner?
SS: Sure (turns around and then stops, stands there for a minute and then looks at me dazed, like a zombie just took over his body and is viewing the outside world for the first time) What did you say?
Me: Can you go wash your hands for dinner?
SS: Oh yeah, that’s right. (and off he moseys)
20 minutes later . . .
He comes in and I notice his hands are still filthy.
Me: Hey did you wash your hands like I asked you to?
SS: When did you ask me that? (frustrated)
ME: Uhm a little while ago. What have you been doing the last 20 minutes?
SS: I don’t know.
Okay about this time I am ready to start pulling my hair out and drooling or a nice head bang on the wall would be good. I feel like I am losing my mind. I have never felt as stupid as I do being married to these two guys.
He is always tired and can’t wake up completely. He wanders around in a daze. Some nights we can’t get him through dinner before he is yawning and falling asleep. If we go on any car ride after we pick him up, he crashes like he was up til 2am the night before. He has been sleeping real late on the weekends, even when he goes to be at 9pm.
His hand is permanently attached to his crotch. And this has been going on for awhile, the whole exploring thing, but just recently it turned in to a permanent fixture. It has even gotten to the point of my husband asking him to go in his room if he needs to do that. (this is our way of dealing with the touching yourself thing – if you have to do that you need to do it in the privacy of your room) Which means hubby is definitely annoyed because he is always telling me guys just do that and to get over it.
He gets angry immediately with the littlest comment from myself or my husband. And it isn’t just anger, it is tears of frustration and clenched fists. He is struggling with controlling his anger. It is seething beneath the surface of his child-like smile all the time. And it boils over like the flip of a switch. And there are days I have no idea what set him off. Which is so unlike him. He has always been such a fun-loving, goofy happy kid.
Anyway so I was joking with a fellow at a local shop I frequent about my kid losing his mind. He asked me how old he was. He told me that bothhis boys lost their minds when they went from 4th to 5th grade. Same type of stuff I am dealing with.
I am wondering, does anyone else feel this is happening or has gone through something similar because I am so clueless as to what to expect. I would love insight or recommended reading.
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February 8, 2008 at 10:42 pm
A New Beginning
Oh DEAR!!! Monkey will be seven in May.
Monkey has been absently pulling at his man parts when he’s naked (changing clothes, baths, etc) for a year or two.
But now Monkey has begun to take showers about three weeks ago (At my insistance, he’s too old for us to be bathing him. He can do it himself.) We have a clear inner shower curtain and we “supervise” him. He does this monkey like dance (yes I call him that for a reason) and then ‘flips’ his man parts with his hands and sings “shake your privates, yeah, yeah, shake your privates, yeah, yeah” as he continues to dance. He did learn that his dancing cannot include moving his feet the first time he showered. He slipped and I caught him through the shower curtain. Now he justs bends and bounces at the knees. I can’t help but laugh because it’s so funny! But it eggs him on…
Is what you are going through what I have to be prepared for??
I hope this fizzles out soon. For your sake and mine!
February 8, 2008 at 11:21 pm
D
Any chance he’s suffering some form of depression?
February 9, 2008 at 2:15 am
Heidi
We limited the number of baths for the same reason around the same age, but he still begs to take a bath. He plays in the shower now too. With and without toys. But for the last couple of years he would touch himself occasionally, like he just realized it was there. Then just about a year ago he started standing on the sink in the bathroom and looking at himself, this ended when he fell once. Now I swear his hand is just constantly down there investigating. And for me (conservative woman) I want to shield my eyes or look away. It is SO hard to hold a conversation with him. But I am trying not to let him see my discomfort. I have to remember that normal people (ie: not me) are not uncomfortable with the body – naked or clothed. lol
February 9, 2008 at 2:17 am
Heidi
Depression, maybe a little. He is definitely been going through stuff with all the issues. Good question. We have talked about bringing him in to the same therapist we saw individually and together, but my husband is uncomfortable with that.
February 9, 2008 at 2:40 pm
retta519
I wouldn’t be concerned about the little guy pulling on his boy parts (heck…they still do it when they’re big boys!)…what frightened me while reading your post, was the fact that he hesitated several seconds after acknowledging your request to go wash his hands for dinner, and couldn’t remember what you had said. Was he concentrating on something else at the time? Playing a video game…watching a favorite cartoon? For a little kid to come back to the table with dirty hands after asking them to wash them isn’t unusual either…but the fact that your little guy couldn’t remember you asking him twenty minutes earlier, even though he had asked you at the time what you had said, and you repeated it. Again, when you originally asked him to wash his hands…did he have anything else on his mind? Was he looking at you when you asked?
His sleeping habits may or may not be a sign of some sort of depression…teenagers sleep until 1 in the afternoon if they’re up half the night….I suppose a 7 year old could too…but he falls asleep in the car when you pick him up…hmmm…does he play hard? Might he be exhausted from being physically active?
You say his frustration is immediate with a comment from either you or your husband. This may not be unusual either…his hormones could be the reason…but I think if it were my son, I’d ask a professional for their opinion. You say your husband isn’t comfortable bringing him to a therapist…but how about making an appointment with the pediatrician?
You could approach your husband based on the fact that if there is a problem with your son’s behavior, as a parent, you are obligated to address it….whether it is a medical problem, or an emotional one. If the little guy needs help sorting out everything that’s going on in his life…he should be afforded it. Good luck.
February 9, 2008 at 3:14 pm
A New Beginning
I know that teenagers are supposed to be tired a lot due to the second wave of brain growth. (Your brain grows during certain stages unti lyou are about 24.) Maybe his is starting early?
February 9, 2008 at 3:15 pm
A New Beginning
Oh I forgot this part…
When your brain grows you require more sleep on average to allow the body to work while you are resting.
March 6, 2008 at 10:17 am
momochacha88
My brother (whom I helped raise) definitely went through periods of radical change when we thought he was going crazy (in fact, we sometiems still do–he’s 15); but your stepson’s behavior sounds worrisome. Perhaps just to be safe it’d be wise to take him to a pediatrician to get checked up, and see what the doc recommends. If anything, it could be a sleeping disorder that’s easily treated. But it could also be another physical condition (thyroid maybe?) or depression.
Or maybe he’s staying up all night without your knowing?
Hope you get to the bottom of it!